Starts off with the full story of the Oasis Vs. Coldplay feud At a recent charity concert for kids with cancer, Coldplay's Chris Martin took the opportunity to vent his anti-war views: During Everything’s Not Lost he urged the crowd: “Don’t be afraid to sing along, sing to end this war.” He also changed the lyrics of A Rush Of Blood To The Head to “I’m going to buy a gun and start a meaningless war.” Not entirely unexpected since he's been a vocal opponent of the war. But it didn't sit well with Liam Gallagher of Oasis, who got off a profanity laced drunken tirade: “Chris Martin shouldn’t be using this cause to bang on about his own f***in’ views on the war. “If him and his gawky bird (Gwyneth Paltrow - ed.) want to go banging on about the war they can do it at their own gigs. “That lot are just a bunch of nobhead students — Chris Martin looks like a f***in’ geography teacher. What’s all that f***in’ s*** with writing messages about Free Trade on his hand when he’s playing. If he wants to write things down I’ll give him a f***in’ pen and a pad of paper. Bunch of students. “These gigs are about kids who have got cancer, they’ve got to fight a war every day of their lives. That’s what we’re all here doing this for.” Maybe he has a point but I was laughing too hard to take it seriously. There must be no stronger insult to a rock star than to say he looks like a geography teacher. Liam on Oasis without Noel Interviewer: Do you think that Oasis would have had the same level of success without Noel in the band Liam: I don't know. It's like asking if Jesus Christ would have been a pervert if he'd had a crisp packet stuck on his head? Noel Gallagher on success "... Ive got 87 million quid in the bank right now. I've got 3 stalkers. Am I happy with that? NO I'M NOT! I WANT MORE!" Noel on showbiz parties .."you would be at the bar and some bloke would say, would you pass us that @#%$ glass of red wine there, and your like WOW THATS GEROGE MICHEAL, and THE EDGE!!! Whoa, there's Sting, throw him out!" excerpt from the Phone Ins with the band on US Radio. Caller: "I was wondering. Do you have any advice for a young guy in a band who wants to make it REALLY big?" Liam: "Yeah man, get yourself a pair of step ladders." Noel on worship - 'when youre at glastonbury theres all this rivalry, cos youve all got your own campervan and its like 'im not talking to oasis' but its not our fault were the best band in the world, come over and pay homage' Noel on what he wants - "All I ever wanted to do was make a record. Here's what you do: you pick up your guitar, you rip a few people's tunes off, you swap them round a bit, get your brother in the band, punch his head in every now and again, and it sells. I'm a lucky bastard. I'm probably the single most lucky man in the world, apart from our Liam." Liam on U2's Bono - "You see pictures of Bono running around LA with his little white legs and a bottle of Volvic and he looks like a fanny." Liam on a good night out - "I was walking along and this chair came flying past me, and another,and another, and I thought, 'man, is this gonna be a good night'." Liam on aliens - "If I saw an alien, I'd tell it to f**k right off because whatever planet he came from they wouldn't have the Beatles or any deccent f*****g music. So they can f**k right off, I ain't going anywhere with them." Liam on vanity - "I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just look in the mirror and go, 'What a f***ing good-looking f*** you are.' And then I brighten up." Liam on Victoria (Posh Spice) Beckham - "She can't even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book." Liam on Oasis success - Interviewer: "What makes Oasis different?" Bonehead: "Good songs." Liam: "And a handsome lead singer with a beard." Liam on his bum - ''I've got a @#%$ hairy ar$e, I've got a rasta ar$e. RAAAASTAAAAA" Liam on yanks - "I'm not going to play for silly yanks when I haven't got a house to live in!" Liam at the MTV Music Video Awards in New York 1996 - "Allright this party's @#%$ and we're here to liven things up a bit. You know you're not havin' a good time but you're all too scared to say it, ya know mate." Liam on discipline - "Discipline? I don't know the meaning of the word." Liam at PinkPop 2000 when the audience began throwing things at him - "I can't @#%$ sing and duck at the same time" Liam on the search for a new bass player - "Yeah, ‘coz they’re all kn**heads anyway, aren’t they? We auditioned a bass player the other day but he like started singing songs about frogs and that, so we had to get rid of him" Liams identity crisis - "John Lennon thought he was god. I just think I'm John Lennon." Liam after a rock was thrown at him on stage - "Whoever's throwing things like this on stage...like...if you don't like the music, @#%$ off! If there're any more coming on, I'm off. And you gotta deal with all these people here who are enjoying themselves. If you don't like it, go @#%$ hang yourself! Don't be throwing @#%$ stones on stage like this...I don't wanna go blind over some @#%$ @#%$! This one's called...this one's called Roll With It, @#%$!" Liam gives a reason for thrashing his hotel room - "There was this bug in my room and I thought, 'you can fook off, this is my room.' " A great one from his brother Noel 'Of course I love Liam, but not as much as I love a pot-noodle' Not Oasis but funny Ricky Martin - "They all want me: boys, girls, men, women, dogs, cats... they all want to have sex with Ricky"