2003 is coming to end and its been a pretty interesting year for music. Maybe not as good as say, 1977, but enough to fill me with hope for 2004. So with tongue firmly planted in cheek and based on nothing more than my deluded and ill informed view of the world, here are my predictions for music news headlines in 2004
:
Tragedy strikes
Kings of Leon as a band member falls victim to a freak incident where he loses circulation to his limbs. The cause is put down to getting caught in the rain, resulting in his already overtight denim to shrink even further, thus cutting off his blood supply. Complications arise in the casualty ward as medical staff attempt to get through his now ZZ Top rivalling levels of facial hair.
A clean shaven, comfy slack wearing Kings of Leon re-emerge later in the year as a 3 piece, claiming their sound is even more stripped down. Bizarelly
Interpol simultaneously discover the joys of casuals due to being unable to locate a good dry cleaners.
The trend for dumping your bass player set by
The White Stripes and
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs continues. This has a profound economic impact as US instrument giant
Fender is forced to lay off a large proportion of its work force due to lack of demand for its bases. Fender CEO
Bill Schultz dismisses speculation that the company is on verge of bankruptcy as baseless (boom, boom, tss.. sorry). Later guitarists worldwide realise that they can't play guitar like Jack White and need the backup of a bass player. Unfortunately there is by now a shortage of Bass players as they have all gotten day jobs. Realising a possible gap in the market, keyboard manufacturer
Roland release an electronic bass substitute which is the spiritual successor to the
tb-303. Sadly like its predeccessor it is commercially unsuccessful, but it does have the unexpected side effect of America finally discovering acid house nearly 20 years later.
Having already plundered all musical genres from every decade from the 60s to the 90s for inspiration, bands are forced to look even further back in time for inspiration. Expect 2004 to see a revival of 50s style rock'n'roll, rockabilly and doo-wop.
Mariah Carey and
Whitney Houston simultaneously spontaneously combust on stage while trying to out do each others vocal acrobatics. Ok its unlikely, but we live in hope.
The Darkness get fed up with people not taking them seriously, ditch the catsuits and basically turn into
Muse only to find no-one takes them seriously either
The
RIAA begins suing people for memorising and humming tunes they heard on the radio, claiming breach of copyright. Things get even worse later in the year someone gets sued for "looking at CDs funny"
Got your own predictions, comments, etc. ? post away below
